Party Foul-What a downer....

August 26 2006

I like to think of my wedding as an awesome party where everyone celebrated my new awesome life. However, it also pains me to think about how "simple" everything was then as well....
[downer alert!]

I was spoiled. I worked...and I went to school. And I didn't have to worry about anything. I'm sure it didn't feel that way at the time; but then again it never does, does it?  School was school, work was something I did to afford the things I wanted, not really a necessary evil, and all the people I loved were exactly where they belonged...right here with me.

Too much changes in time. Within two months of my wedding I lost lost two people whom I loved dearly, within seven months the tally was up to four. The spoiled little princess who had everything she wanted and all those she loved within arms reach finally got to feel true loss. It changes people. Not just me, most definitely. There are those who were changed far more than myself, their loss hit even closer to home. When a family goes through such loss and tragedy they either band together or drift apart. We banded together....but eventually the ties were frayed, distance forced it's way in and everyone went their seperate ways to deal as best as they knew how.

No one person deals with grief in the same way...

[I told you it was a downer.]

being an adult=sucks big time.

I want my old life back, when everybody was happy, having a baby was a teeny hill to climb-not a mountain to traverse, Christmas wasn't depressing, there wasn't a hole in our family and the only problem I had was making my Jeep payment.

Dear Father Time, please consider my request. Sincerely, ME.

HOWEVER! I refuse to end this on an irritating/sad note. The last few years have also given me many gifts! I have a promising career, I've grown so much mentally and as a person.  I've learned to take up for myself in my professional AND personal life and have a cute little family going here (yes, I count my puppies as family.) I've also grown in faith and understand that GOD has a plan....and just like a puzzle I may not see where the jagged pieces fit in until it's almost finished. I've learned to love my family and friends while they're here today and always say I Love You!!! I refuse to let my losses overshadow or out-weigh my gains in this life.

What a sad little bloggaroo....maybe I'm just depressed because I have to get up at 5:00am to go to clinicals...and I'm burned out, tired, and don't want to go?